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'Because they are autistic' isn't a reason for someone to be anxious

I was shocked when I heard that some children are being turned down by services for anxiety treatment ‘because they are autistic’. The logic, as one parent said had been explained to her, was that autistic children are expected to be anxious. It’s considered part of being autistic.

So, nothing to treat.

Hang on a minute? There are so many things wrong with this that I hardly know where to start. I’ve met hundreds, possibly thousands of autistic children, and I can tell you that they aren’t all highly anxious. Many of them were sometimes, yes, but not all. And not all of the time. So clearly not just ‘part of being autistic’.

The next thing? Anxiety isn’t set in stone. It changes over time, particularly as children grow up. Anxiety is a reaction to uncertainty. We feel anxious when we’re not sure that we can cope with whatever might be coming. As we grow in confidence and skills, we start to feel less anxious. That’s why the first time you drove a car was so much scarier than the time you did the school run yesterday.

If we can help children feel more capable, they will feel less anxious.

Children are learning about their emotions as they grow up, and the way that they learn to think about themselves and their feelings matters. How we talk to our children about anxiety matters. We should never be telling a child that chronic anxiety is ‘just part of who they are’.

And one more thing. Environment. Some environments are highly anxiety provoking, others are less so. A child might be full of anxiety in one situation but happy and confident in another. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them. It’s just part of being human. As a child grows up and starts to understand themselves, they can make decisions for themselves about the environments which work for them. When they are younger, that’s something that parents have to do for them. Finding the right sort of school, or way to learn, can transform a child’s experience. They go from anxious to happy. They stop chewing their sleeves and crying in the evenings. ‘They’re like a different child’ say their parents.

It isn’t good enough to accept that they will be chronically anxious ‘because they are autistic’.

That is not a real reason. We have to ask what is making them so anxious - and could it be changed? We have to ask what that child is learning about themselves and their feelings, and how we can help them to feel confident, capable and safe.

Parents can make a difference. The life that children lead makes a difference.

Anxiety tells us that something is up, and it should never be dismissed as ‘just part of being autistic’.

My autism courses for parents are half price for this week only.

This includes Helping Your Autistic Child with Anxiety and the teens version.

Please share if you know parents who might want to know.