What Happens When A Child Isn't Fine At School?

I am still hearing from parents who tell me that when their child is unhappy at school or reluctant to go, the advice from professionals is to make home less pleasant.  They’re told not to interact with them too much during school hours, to restrict their access to activities they enjoy.  A book for professionals tells parents to create an atmosphere of ‘solitary confinement’ around their children if they don’t attend school.   One parent I talked to was told to make their child put their uniform on every day and that they should sit in the front room alone with only their school books until it was 3.30 pm and the end of school.

I’m going to stick my neck out on this one.  These suggestions are profoundly misguided and have the potential to do great harm.  Yes I know they are in the books, I’ve read the books.  I know people will claim they are ‘evidence based’ – I dispute the nature of the evidence.  I know the logical reason why this is suggested. I just think they are wrong. 

The reason I think they are wrong is that this all assumes that the child is choosing not to go to school because they prefer home.  It essentially tries to manipulate the balance of the choice – make home less nice, and school will look better in contrast and they’ll go. 

This strategy does not take the child or their distress seriously.

We have a child who isn’t happy at school, and the advice is to make them less happy at home, rather than to address the reasons why they aren’t happy at school.    In mental health terms, this is a really damaging thing to do. It will increase that child’s distress.  It will affect their relationships with their parents.  It will increase that child’s likelihood of becoming depressed.  This is never going to be a good way to help a child learn.

Come to my webinar on Sept 18th to hear more about this and also some ideas as to what we could be doing differently. 

Illustration by Becky Whinnerah