That panic-pressure cycle is so real and often invisble to the parent. The reframe from "they have to learn" to "meet them where they are" actaully shifts the entire dynamic. I've seen this play out with my own nephew who was super aggressive at 4 and is now the most empathetic 9yo I know. Developmental timelines are wildly non-linear but we act like every phase is permanent.
Totally -- my 13 year old is the sweetest, most thoughtful human. She volunteers to do the dishes! When she was younger, this was...not so (lol). I knew she was not a kid to pile chores upon and yet so many other moms bragged about how their kids could fix their own breakfast or do XYZ. I think, mostly, I met her where she was but I wish I did even more now. Compassion is always the way.
So clearly and compassionately said. The pressure and conditioning pull us out of the moment and into fear. Being present and responding to the child in front of us is the work. This really lands.
It sounds weird but I try really hard to think of the here and now. What hurdle is next? When you start looking too far ahead, it gets really hard and psychologically difficult.
That panic-pressure cycle is so real and often invisble to the parent. The reframe from "they have to learn" to "meet them where they are" actaully shifts the entire dynamic. I've seen this play out with my own nephew who was super aggressive at 4 and is now the most empathetic 9yo I know. Developmental timelines are wildly non-linear but we act like every phase is permanent.
Totally -- my 13 year old is the sweetest, most thoughtful human. She volunteers to do the dishes! When she was younger, this was...not so (lol). I knew she was not a kid to pile chores upon and yet so many other moms bragged about how their kids could fix their own breakfast or do XYZ. I think, mostly, I met her where she was but I wish I did even more now. Compassion is always the way.
So clearly and compassionately said. The pressure and conditioning pull us out of the moment and into fear. Being present and responding to the child in front of us is the work. This really lands.
It sounds weird but I try really hard to think of the here and now. What hurdle is next? When you start looking too far ahead, it gets really hard and psychologically difficult.