When I was 15 I i stopped going to school. I have no memories of the first day I refused to go: apparently I was so white and looking unwell my mother couldn't bring herself to make me go. She thought I'd pass out on the train.
I remember fretting about going back all the way through the preceding summer break. I had a terrible first year of liceum (14 y/o onwards in Italy) and middle school (11 to 14) had been a crescendo of problems fitting in with other girls in particular. Still, I got out with the maximum grades as I had done in primary school and everyone was so shocked I just point blank refused to go anymore even though my average had dropped to 7 and I had many absences during that first year.
I was bullied by a group of girls who properly detested me and, while I didn't realise it at the time, I struggled with the sensory overload at school and having to travel on public transport for a fair bit of the day. My coping strategy has always been being on my own in my room drawing or playing video games and this time was now severely cut down because of the commute and the sudden increase in subjects to study (half of which I'd never need again) and homework. It was a complete shock for me. I just couldn't cope anymore and so I spent years unable to even leave my room at times.
Was my home a haven for me? Not one bit: my brother was physically and verbally abusive, my mother an alcoholic and my father, when he was around, oscillated between uninterested and sometimes authoritarian and generally inconsistent.
I hated home.
But I didn't feel like there could possibly be anywhere worth escaping to, because all I knew were home and school and I hated both. Even when I had top grades. In fact: I had top grades because in Italy you get held back a year if you don't pass and I wasn't taking any chances: I wanted to get out as soon as possible. Funny, given how eager I was to go to school before I got in the building.
I detest the suggestions in these books because I know they won't work. I'm fairly sure that in a loving environment I'd have still struggled, but it wouldn't have been for so long and so badly. These books are assuming that the kid is taking advantage (or "having you on" as an older colleague said to me a while ago when I was comforting a kid where I work).
If someone who needs a wheelchair was approaching some stairs we'd try to help them get where they need to go and anyone suggesting "that they need to learn!" would be seen as callous and stupid, but when kids struggle with school we just assume they're stubbornly dragging their heels in and treat them accordingly.
Oh no I've just missed this fab offer. I have a 7 year old little girl who gets very anxious and says she doesn't want to go to school so I would love to access some of your material. I'm currently on webinar 5 of yours and Eliza's 'No demand parenting' and I'm learning so much. If there is anyway this offer can be extended I would be so grateful.
I feel strongly about this one, you'll see why.
When I was 15 I i stopped going to school. I have no memories of the first day I refused to go: apparently I was so white and looking unwell my mother couldn't bring herself to make me go. She thought I'd pass out on the train.
I remember fretting about going back all the way through the preceding summer break. I had a terrible first year of liceum (14 y/o onwards in Italy) and middle school (11 to 14) had been a crescendo of problems fitting in with other girls in particular. Still, I got out with the maximum grades as I had done in primary school and everyone was so shocked I just point blank refused to go anymore even though my average had dropped to 7 and I had many absences during that first year.
I was bullied by a group of girls who properly detested me and, while I didn't realise it at the time, I struggled with the sensory overload at school and having to travel on public transport for a fair bit of the day. My coping strategy has always been being on my own in my room drawing or playing video games and this time was now severely cut down because of the commute and the sudden increase in subjects to study (half of which I'd never need again) and homework. It was a complete shock for me. I just couldn't cope anymore and so I spent years unable to even leave my room at times.
Was my home a haven for me? Not one bit: my brother was physically and verbally abusive, my mother an alcoholic and my father, when he was around, oscillated between uninterested and sometimes authoritarian and generally inconsistent.
I hated home.
But I didn't feel like there could possibly be anywhere worth escaping to, because all I knew were home and school and I hated both. Even when I had top grades. In fact: I had top grades because in Italy you get held back a year if you don't pass and I wasn't taking any chances: I wanted to get out as soon as possible. Funny, given how eager I was to go to school before I got in the building.
I detest the suggestions in these books because I know they won't work. I'm fairly sure that in a loving environment I'd have still struggled, but it wouldn't have been for so long and so badly. These books are assuming that the kid is taking advantage (or "having you on" as an older colleague said to me a while ago when I was comforting a kid where I work).
If someone who needs a wheelchair was approaching some stairs we'd try to help them get where they need to go and anyone suggesting "that they need to learn!" would be seen as callous and stupid, but when kids struggle with school we just assume they're stubbornly dragging their heels in and treat them accordingly.
Wow.. which "professionals" are advising this? Makes my blood boil! 😠 Well done you for highlighting the issue and informing parents of a better way 👏
It is recommended in several best-selling books about how to help children who aren't attending school.
Sadly, the number of clueless ‘professionals’ in my child’s journey has surpassed my expectation 🙈
So disappointing 🙄 I’m sorry to hear that 😔
Oh no I've just missed this fab offer. I have a 7 year old little girl who gets very anxious and says she doesn't want to go to school so I would love to access some of your material. I'm currently on webinar 5 of yours and Eliza's 'No demand parenting' and I'm learning so much. If there is anyway this offer can be extended I would be so grateful.
Me too! Kicked myself when I saw the deadline. Hey ho!
Ooh, thanks for the reminder. I’ll go and sign up.
Please keep shouting and sharing. There are some seriously ridiculous ideas out there and they need to be shown for what they are - harmful!