What happens when you make your expectations clear - but your children are clearer?
Soooo many times the kids have said 'that's not what you asked' or 'you need to say what you mean because that isn't what you said' so I learned to be very clear but I did this without really realising just how much I adapted for them. Not 'would you mind wiping the table' because if they said no that was it but if I said 'wipe the table for me, please' it was straightforward and much easier for them.
It's only now, years later, beginning to catch up with me how much we adapted. I do wonder if I did a disservice to the kids by being so deliberately clear/direct all the time so that they became accustomed to that, which is why they struggle with ambiguity now?
Having said that, they are really good communicators and they only really had a problem in an academy that enjoys SLANT policies. Coincidence? Since the truly traumatic academy experience both kids' confidence and psychological health plummeted to rock bottom and we began to see demand avoidance. It struck me as a clear need to reassert their autonomy after being somewhere where every bit of their autonomy was stripped away.