Totally agree with this. And as parents, grandparents, whoever, we should probably ask ourselves 'why?' - ie why are we making them wait, what benefit is that to the child? I don't believe it teaches patience, I think it teaches the child that what the adult wants is more important... Those who don't understand this approach don't have a child like mine, that's for sure!
I appreciate this very much. I don’t have this specific issue with my children, but it’s given me permission to question the expectations we place on them, and ourselves, at this time of year. The excess of Christmas is unbearable to watch!
This post made me very emotional - it took me a long time to let go of what I thought Christmas should be and to celebrate in a way that my children could manage.
Ok, wow.. I disagree so strongly with this - I usually agree with most of what you write, as you know. It is interesting how annoyed I'm getting about this, maybe that is something I need to address? But for now, let me just say this...
Whilst I appreciate the sentiment behind this post and the temptation for parents to make their's and their kid's lives easier and less stressful, I have a huge issue with this idea that you can just: "tell other people in advance not to have things out which are visible but not allowed until later. Ask them not to say things like ‘there’s something for you upstairs but it's for tomorrow’. Tell them to either hide things (properly) or make them available." - why and since when is it a good idea to start demanding things of others in their own homes and trying to control how and when they do things?!
All you would be doing here is trying to "fix/control" the world/environment to accommodate your child in order to prevent a potential melt-down - instead of letting life unfold naturally and being ready to DO YOUR JOB as a parent and support your child with whatever reaction they might have. Surely, being prepared with tools to deal with situations as parents is far better than running around trying to control/prevent certain things from happening - which is stressful, exhausting, anxiety inducing, controlling, creating a feeling of "treading on eggshells", etc..
Also, in what world is it ok for kids to "pull the house apart" looking for presents.. there would be huge consequences to that kind of behaviour if my kids had ever done that - where is the respect for parents/the house/belongings/privacy, etc??
I'm not saying that it would be right to make a point of teasing a child with constant chatter of "ooo, what do you think is hiding in the cupboard", etc.. (especially if you know they struggle with this sort of thing)... but if they happen to be there when something arrives or they catch you hiding something (and you can't quickly pass it off as something else)... This is a brilliant, naturally occurring, opportunity to teach your child about patience, gratitude and the rewards of waiting for something exciting.
We already live in enough of a fast-paced world, where children's attention spans are decreasing rapidly - why on earth should we say: "'it’s here, you can see it and if you want to you can eat/open it’." just because they demand it! Grrrrrr!! I'm off to do a bit of journalling to see if I can figure out why I'm so worked up about this - sorry! 🙁
Love this. Throw in ADHD and autism and it’s an impossible situation. When my kids were younger if something arrived in the post we would just open it there and then. I may then be able to still wrap it with their knowledge, or maybe they wd just have it. There was always a present xmas eve, try not to leave anything under the tree ahead of time, or just let them open them. The anxiety is just too much. Even as teenagers. The trick is to have at least something for them to open on the day and that’s the bit that’s become trickiest!
Thank you for normalising this. I’ve slowly figured out the strategies the hard way over the years and am still learning to let all the expectations go. Managing family is the hardest part, who all have kids who can handle the wait. We have to split up at Xmas now, the kids who can’t handle it and who are traumatised from previous years stay home with one parent and the kids who can handle it get to attend. Definitely not ideal.
Totally agree with this. And as parents, grandparents, whoever, we should probably ask ourselves 'why?' - ie why are we making them wait, what benefit is that to the child? I don't believe it teaches patience, I think it teaches the child that what the adult wants is more important... Those who don't understand this approach don't have a child like mine, that's for sure!
I appreciate this very much. I don’t have this specific issue with my children, but it’s given me permission to question the expectations we place on them, and ourselves, at this time of year. The excess of Christmas is unbearable to watch!
This post made me very emotional - it took me a long time to let go of what I thought Christmas should be and to celebrate in a way that my children could manage.
Ok, wow.. I disagree so strongly with this - I usually agree with most of what you write, as you know. It is interesting how annoyed I'm getting about this, maybe that is something I need to address? But for now, let me just say this...
Whilst I appreciate the sentiment behind this post and the temptation for parents to make their's and their kid's lives easier and less stressful, I have a huge issue with this idea that you can just: "tell other people in advance not to have things out which are visible but not allowed until later. Ask them not to say things like ‘there’s something for you upstairs but it's for tomorrow’. Tell them to either hide things (properly) or make them available." - why and since when is it a good idea to start demanding things of others in their own homes and trying to control how and when they do things?!
All you would be doing here is trying to "fix/control" the world/environment to accommodate your child in order to prevent a potential melt-down - instead of letting life unfold naturally and being ready to DO YOUR JOB as a parent and support your child with whatever reaction they might have. Surely, being prepared with tools to deal with situations as parents is far better than running around trying to control/prevent certain things from happening - which is stressful, exhausting, anxiety inducing, controlling, creating a feeling of "treading on eggshells", etc..
Also, in what world is it ok for kids to "pull the house apart" looking for presents.. there would be huge consequences to that kind of behaviour if my kids had ever done that - where is the respect for parents/the house/belongings/privacy, etc??
I'm not saying that it would be right to make a point of teasing a child with constant chatter of "ooo, what do you think is hiding in the cupboard", etc.. (especially if you know they struggle with this sort of thing)... but if they happen to be there when something arrives or they catch you hiding something (and you can't quickly pass it off as something else)... This is a brilliant, naturally occurring, opportunity to teach your child about patience, gratitude and the rewards of waiting for something exciting.
We already live in enough of a fast-paced world, where children's attention spans are decreasing rapidly - why on earth should we say: "'it’s here, you can see it and if you want to you can eat/open it’." just because they demand it! Grrrrrr!! I'm off to do a bit of journalling to see if I can figure out why I'm so worked up about this - sorry! 🙁
Love this. Throw in ADHD and autism and it’s an impossible situation. When my kids were younger if something arrived in the post we would just open it there and then. I may then be able to still wrap it with their knowledge, or maybe they wd just have it. There was always a present xmas eve, try not to leave anything under the tree ahead of time, or just let them open them. The anxiety is just too much. Even as teenagers. The trick is to have at least something for them to open on the day and that’s the bit that’s become trickiest!
This is beautiful.
Great to see someone with a different viewpoint around this. Very thought-provoking!
Thank you for normalising this. I’ve slowly figured out the strategies the hard way over the years and am still learning to let all the expectations go. Managing family is the hardest part, who all have kids who can handle the wait. We have to split up at Xmas now, the kids who can’t handle it and who are traumatised from previous years stay home with one parent and the kids who can handle it get to attend. Definitely not ideal.