Thanks for this. We used exposure therapy for my son when he was 6 and I still regret it. He had a phobia of one part of the freeway near us that had roller-coaster-like bumps. The psychologist we worked with had us push him so hard and he did eventually learn to tolerate the experience but it did not feel right to me and still doesn't. I wish I had your voice in my head then encouraging me to follow my instincts. I would have honored his autonomy more.
But what is the solution for children who are finding it too hard to go to school because of neurodivergence? You can avoid rollercoasters, you have that choice. What would happen if the government decided you must go on a roller coaster every day for 14 years, or face prosecution?
The government doesn't say you must go on a roller coaster every day for 14 years though. You are free to home educate your child. And however impossible you might think that is (otherwise you'd presumably already be doing it), all kinds of families have found ways of making it work.
I think it's very reductive to simply say 'make it work'. In my experience working in pupil support, many of the parents of 'school avoidant' pupils struggled to make ends meet without having their kids in school. How are they supposed to just 'make it work'? Especially when we consider pupils who are school avoidant and also violent/reactive- the issue is so nuanced
Well it's easier if they get MRC or HRC DLA, as then if you claim UC (or qualify to as a result, even if not before), you can get the carer element, which exempts you from work commitments (though some parents get the same exemption via the LCWRA element instead, if the situation has affected their mental health so badly they can't work anyway).
Which is one reason it's so important for school staff to understand that system and support DLA claims for disabled students. Though many do a bad job of it, whether out of ignorance, or deliberately because they don't want to admit they/the school aren't meeting their needs.
And many children are likely to be less violent/reactive out of school anyway, where they are less stressed and there isn't any pressure to go back to school (even subconscious). Plus if you're putting all that effort into getting the school and the council (re EHCPs etc) to do what they should, it's usually easier to just withdraw them (and fight for respite etc if necessary instead).
But having always home educated my daughter, I've seen all varieties of families making it work. From two parent families where both work full-time, to single self-employed disabled mothers. I'm a member of five social minority groups myself, so I'm hardly speaking from a position of privilege.
I'm glad it works for you. You say it works for lots of kinds of families, but your sample group is self selecting. Those of us who KNOW it won't work don't attempt it! In my circumstances my kids rely on home to be their safe base where demand and expectation are highly flexible, but usually kept as low as possible. And no, they will not do self-directed learning, that's not how their brains are configured. I am also neurodivergent and 100% unsuited to the role. It would break me and our family.
I know a lot of people who KNEW it wouldn't work for them pre-coronavirus yet are home educating now. Though of course that experience wasn't anything like many forms of home ed anyway, but that was the trigger for them to see it was possible practically, even if not in the same format.
It's like drivers KNOW they can't do without a car, but they can, and they must, if we are to survive. It's mindset that limits people more than practical barriers (I'm not denying the latter exist, but there is always a way round them).
Most of the home ed community is neurodivergent (including me and my daughter). Most ND children are much happier out of school.
I don't know what you think self-directed learning is, but they can't help learning, regardless of what activity they are doing. We don't do any structured work or have any specific expectations (for philosophical reasons but anyway my daughter has a PDA profile).
Agreed. I would really like it if the discussion on this wasn't just "school" or "homeschool" with "just make it work".
There are a number of options other than these two answers - for some children, it will be to introduce the support that child needs at their current school, for others, to move to a school that is better able to offer the right environment. For some it will be a period in alternative provision/"hospital ed" to recover while everyone figures out what will work longer term. For others again, it will be something like EOTAS, where no school is suitable but the child/family aren't able or willing to homeschool and need other educational support like a PA to support kid to go to forest school or tutors and so on.
The latter option is often hard to get - for a start, NOBODY TELLS YOU IT EXISTS. But my local council has just agreed to it, _without_ me having to spend many thousands of pounds on private EP/SALT/OT reports or lawyers as I had feared. It did take me being aware it existed, and time on supportive Facebook groups. And I was "lucky" in that my local council are so far underwater with lack of specialist places that they're readier to accept EOTAS as an option now. But it's what my child needs and legally, he is entitled to an education that doesn't break him or me.
If the discussion is a bit more nuanced then it allows parents to realise that there are actually other options out there and then it starts to feel a bit more possible.
This. I think this is the problem of having to describe what my youngest experiences at school as 'anxiety' because that's what the system accepts, when it's actually so much more complex. Sensory overwhelm, fear of humiliation/powerful adults' responses, and the effort of masking are harder to 'fix' - because they are the fault of the environment not the child? So it gets boiled down and 1 size fits all gets applied to their SEN too. I used to refer to the reason she was absent as anxiety caused by school not being able to meet her complex social, emotional and educational needs, but when they contested even the 'anxiety' and started blaming me, it got simplified in the discourse (when you're backed into a corner you use the pointiest stick to defend yourself) I decided this was fine for keeping school at bay because the complexity would be clear in her EHCP, but it turns out that EHC panel like a reductive (and lower cost) conclusion as much as anybody.
Thanks for this. We used exposure therapy for my son when he was 6 and I still regret it. He had a phobia of one part of the freeway near us that had roller-coaster-like bumps. The psychologist we worked with had us push him so hard and he did eventually learn to tolerate the experience but it did not feel right to me and still doesn't. I wish I had your voice in my head then encouraging me to follow my instincts. I would have honored his autonomy more.
Absolutely - sad how genuinely helpful approaches for some psychological issues are misappropriated and then cause harm. Thanks for your work. 🌸
But what is the solution for children who are finding it too hard to go to school because of neurodivergence? You can avoid rollercoasters, you have that choice. What would happen if the government decided you must go on a roller coaster every day for 14 years, or face prosecution?
The government doesn't say you must go on a roller coaster every day for 14 years though. You are free to home educate your child. And however impossible you might think that is (otherwise you'd presumably already be doing it), all kinds of families have found ways of making it work.
I think it's very reductive to simply say 'make it work'. In my experience working in pupil support, many of the parents of 'school avoidant' pupils struggled to make ends meet without having their kids in school. How are they supposed to just 'make it work'? Especially when we consider pupils who are school avoidant and also violent/reactive- the issue is so nuanced
Well it's easier if they get MRC or HRC DLA, as then if you claim UC (or qualify to as a result, even if not before), you can get the carer element, which exempts you from work commitments (though some parents get the same exemption via the LCWRA element instead, if the situation has affected their mental health so badly they can't work anyway).
Which is one reason it's so important for school staff to understand that system and support DLA claims for disabled students. Though many do a bad job of it, whether out of ignorance, or deliberately because they don't want to admit they/the school aren't meeting their needs.
And many children are likely to be less violent/reactive out of school anyway, where they are less stressed and there isn't any pressure to go back to school (even subconscious). Plus if you're putting all that effort into getting the school and the council (re EHCPs etc) to do what they should, it's usually easier to just withdraw them (and fight for respite etc if necessary instead).
But having always home educated my daughter, I've seen all varieties of families making it work. From two parent families where both work full-time, to single self-employed disabled mothers. I'm a member of five social minority groups myself, so I'm hardly speaking from a position of privilege.
I'm glad it works for you. You say it works for lots of kinds of families, but your sample group is self selecting. Those of us who KNOW it won't work don't attempt it! In my circumstances my kids rely on home to be their safe base where demand and expectation are highly flexible, but usually kept as low as possible. And no, they will not do self-directed learning, that's not how their brains are configured. I am also neurodivergent and 100% unsuited to the role. It would break me and our family.
I know a lot of people who KNEW it wouldn't work for them pre-coronavirus yet are home educating now. Though of course that experience wasn't anything like many forms of home ed anyway, but that was the trigger for them to see it was possible practically, even if not in the same format.
It's like drivers KNOW they can't do without a car, but they can, and they must, if we are to survive. It's mindset that limits people more than practical barriers (I'm not denying the latter exist, but there is always a way round them).
Most of the home ed community is neurodivergent (including me and my daughter). Most ND children are much happier out of school.
I don't know what you think self-directed learning is, but they can't help learning, regardless of what activity they are doing. We don't do any structured work or have any specific expectations (for philosophical reasons but anyway my daughter has a PDA profile).
Agreed. I would really like it if the discussion on this wasn't just "school" or "homeschool" with "just make it work".
There are a number of options other than these two answers - for some children, it will be to introduce the support that child needs at their current school, for others, to move to a school that is better able to offer the right environment. For some it will be a period in alternative provision/"hospital ed" to recover while everyone figures out what will work longer term. For others again, it will be something like EOTAS, where no school is suitable but the child/family aren't able or willing to homeschool and need other educational support like a PA to support kid to go to forest school or tutors and so on.
The latter option is often hard to get - for a start, NOBODY TELLS YOU IT EXISTS. But my local council has just agreed to it, _without_ me having to spend many thousands of pounds on private EP/SALT/OT reports or lawyers as I had feared. It did take me being aware it existed, and time on supportive Facebook groups. And I was "lucky" in that my local council are so far underwater with lack of specialist places that they're readier to accept EOTAS as an option now. But it's what my child needs and legally, he is entitled to an education that doesn't break him or me.
If the discussion is a bit more nuanced then it allows parents to realise that there are actually other options out there and then it starts to feel a bit more possible.
what would you recommend for school phobia then?
This. I think this is the problem of having to describe what my youngest experiences at school as 'anxiety' because that's what the system accepts, when it's actually so much more complex. Sensory overwhelm, fear of humiliation/powerful adults' responses, and the effort of masking are harder to 'fix' - because they are the fault of the environment not the child? So it gets boiled down and 1 size fits all gets applied to their SEN too. I used to refer to the reason she was absent as anxiety caused by school not being able to meet her complex social, emotional and educational needs, but when they contested even the 'anxiety' and started blaming me, it got simplified in the discourse (when you're backed into a corner you use the pointiest stick to defend yourself) I decided this was fine for keeping school at bay because the complexity would be clear in her EHCP, but it turns out that EHC panel like a reductive (and lower cost) conclusion as much as anybody.