As someone with a domineering parent, I wholeheartedly agree. While I know she had mostly my best interests at heart, I also feel it contributed to my indecisiveness and reassurance seeking. Some of her decisions I am grateful for, making me stay in dance class, instilling a solid work ethic etc… but with that I lost a lot of freedom and fun childhood experiences. With dance rehearsal 5 times a week, it was a running joke in high school that I may as well not be invited to social events because “I have dance” was the answer. When I wasn’t at dance or school, it was my after school job. This was before mobile phones, and every time the store would call asking for a shift to be covered my Mum always said yes. In the end I felt powerless and like I had no voice, constantly seeking her approval. When I had my son in 2021, I saw us fall back into those roles as she attempted to control my parenting. It’s taken a while, but I’ve finally learnt to stand my ground and let her know that I will be parenting very differently…no smacking, silent treatment, shaming etc.
Well said, Naomi! As a teacher I'm observing something similar. The increased pressure to perform at younger and younger ages (without taking into consideration what the children actually enjoy doing) are destroying children's internal motivation. And often when they finally get to make the decision they don't even try.. (for example in our school seniors can choose to opt out of practice during exams, so no one shows up).
If we're so used to the way things are (which is true!), how do we shake people out of their sleep-walking? How do we change schools and the way we do education? Love your article.
Amen! I was forced to read "To Kill a Mockingbird" in high school & so I hated it. I revisited it a few years ago -- what an amazing work of literature!
This is so important, especially for women. When people feel they can’t say no, they are vulnerable to all kinds of abuse.
As someone with a domineering parent, I wholeheartedly agree. While I know she had mostly my best interests at heart, I also feel it contributed to my indecisiveness and reassurance seeking. Some of her decisions I am grateful for, making me stay in dance class, instilling a solid work ethic etc… but with that I lost a lot of freedom and fun childhood experiences. With dance rehearsal 5 times a week, it was a running joke in high school that I may as well not be invited to social events because “I have dance” was the answer. When I wasn’t at dance or school, it was my after school job. This was before mobile phones, and every time the store would call asking for a shift to be covered my Mum always said yes. In the end I felt powerless and like I had no voice, constantly seeking her approval. When I had my son in 2021, I saw us fall back into those roles as she attempted to control my parenting. It’s taken a while, but I’ve finally learnt to stand my ground and let her know that I will be parenting very differently…no smacking, silent treatment, shaming etc.
Thank you for this 🙏🏻
Well said, Naomi! As a teacher I'm observing something similar. The increased pressure to perform at younger and younger ages (without taking into consideration what the children actually enjoy doing) are destroying children's internal motivation. And often when they finally get to make the decision they don't even try.. (for example in our school seniors can choose to opt out of practice during exams, so no one shows up).
Naomi, I always enjoy your writing. For those who might be interested, here is my essay proclaiming that the most fundamental right is the right to quit. https://petergray.substack.com/p/16-the-most-fundamental-right-is
If we're so used to the way things are (which is true!), how do we shake people out of their sleep-walking? How do we change schools and the way we do education? Love your article.
Amen! I was forced to read "To Kill a Mockingbird" in high school & so I hated it. I revisited it a few years ago -- what an amazing work of literature!