Oh my word this resonates so much. I’m father to 2 neurodivergent children. A 10 year-old boy who’s autistic, and an 8 year-old girl who’s ASHD and PDA (PDA being very misunderstood and incredibly debilitating) My daughter has not been in school since May 9th 2022, we just realised that she could not do it, it was traumatising and she went into burnout. We’ve now just decided that sending her to school (probably ever again) is not conducive to her health. She’s still dysregulated and in burnout but there are signs she’s slowly emerging and healing. My son attends for an hour a day sometimes, with agreement from the school (after much fighting from us) and we’re hoping he’ll get a place at a specialist unit when he starts secondary school.
School is just not designed for neurodivergent, autistic people and it’s meant their education has been massively disrupted - to the point of zero support, help or provision for months on end.
We are not yet in receipt of any DLA either. The forms are impossibly long and detailed - both children being at home means it took months to complete them fully and properly - and the default is “refusal”. I assume the DWP figure exhausted and gaslit parents will just give up!
Obviously the damage to our children is immense. But the toll it takes on us parents is incalculable! It’s isolating, lonely, emotionally, intellectually and physically exhausting. To be blamed, shames, gaslit and left to cope is just too much to cope with. I honestly don’t know how we’re still standing up!
Oh, this has actually made me cry. As a mother of four children with autism and mental health problems, I have spent the last 18 years telling my children they must go to school, must stay in school, holding them in my arms as they shake and sob and tell me how much they hate it. My youngest child is in secondary school now and I was awake with her for hours last night as she had a panic attack at the thought of another day in school. I feel like a terrible, awful parent for inflicting this on them, and a terrible, awful parent if I let them have a day off when their mental health is bad. I have tried for years to get them help and support and there is just a blank, gaping hole where that help and support should be.
You are right, it's not the fault of the school or the teachers. But they hold more power to fix this situation than we do. They hold more sway than we do. I don't blame them, but I do wish that they would see they are being brain washed and give themselves a shake and ask themselves am I gaslighting this parent because I've been brainwashed or do I genuinely believe that ignoring a childs real distress is good for them in the long run. They've studied child development, all they have to do is cast their mind back to their studies to remind themselves of things that cause trauma for children and the implications of that. And then next time they are faced with this how about being a human being rather than a robot and actually telling the parent they are doing the right thing to care about their child. Wake up teachers and realise you are perpetuating this situation by not standing up for us.
Oh my word this resonates so much. I’m father to 2 neurodivergent children. A 10 year-old boy who’s autistic, and an 8 year-old girl who’s ASHD and PDA (PDA being very misunderstood and incredibly debilitating) My daughter has not been in school since May 9th 2022, we just realised that she could not do it, it was traumatising and she went into burnout. We’ve now just decided that sending her to school (probably ever again) is not conducive to her health. She’s still dysregulated and in burnout but there are signs she’s slowly emerging and healing. My son attends for an hour a day sometimes, with agreement from the school (after much fighting from us) and we’re hoping he’ll get a place at a specialist unit when he starts secondary school.
School is just not designed for neurodivergent, autistic people and it’s meant their education has been massively disrupted - to the point of zero support, help or provision for months on end.
We are not yet in receipt of any DLA either. The forms are impossibly long and detailed - both children being at home means it took months to complete them fully and properly - and the default is “refusal”. I assume the DWP figure exhausted and gaslit parents will just give up!
Obviously the damage to our children is immense. But the toll it takes on us parents is incalculable! It’s isolating, lonely, emotionally, intellectually and physically exhausting. To be blamed, shames, gaslit and left to cope is just too much to cope with. I honestly don’t know how we’re still standing up!
Thanks for writing this.
Chris
Oh, this has actually made me cry. As a mother of four children with autism and mental health problems, I have spent the last 18 years telling my children they must go to school, must stay in school, holding them in my arms as they shake and sob and tell me how much they hate it. My youngest child is in secondary school now and I was awake with her for hours last night as she had a panic attack at the thought of another day in school. I feel like a terrible, awful parent for inflicting this on them, and a terrible, awful parent if I let them have a day off when their mental health is bad. I have tried for years to get them help and support and there is just a blank, gaping hole where that help and support should be.
You are right, it's not the fault of the school or the teachers. But they hold more power to fix this situation than we do. They hold more sway than we do. I don't blame them, but I do wish that they would see they are being brain washed and give themselves a shake and ask themselves am I gaslighting this parent because I've been brainwashed or do I genuinely believe that ignoring a childs real distress is good for them in the long run. They've studied child development, all they have to do is cast their mind back to their studies to remind themselves of things that cause trauma for children and the implications of that. And then next time they are faced with this how about being a human being rather than a robot and actually telling the parent they are doing the right thing to care about their child. Wake up teachers and realise you are perpetuating this situation by not standing up for us.