I’ve been buying second hand gifts for my children since they were tiny (my eldest is four now, so this has only been tested for a few years), but I think it works really well to take the pressure off. I feel less pressure because I’ve spent way less money. And my child is used to hearing that another child enjoyed them first - I think it feels lower pressure to him too. And some of the presents just seem genuinely better to me - he doesn’t have to fake excitement about a tiny box of expensive Playmobil, because I managed to get a big box with way more in it and they all tumble out at once because no packaging any more! Fingers crossed for Christmas Day, but if he feels the pressure anyway, I’ll remember your ideas here ☺️
Yes! This is exactly right. One of my children prefers to know their gifts before the day. We look up pictures together. It means Christmas Day has no surprises. 🙂
This was a huge relief to read. My twin ASD/ADHD/PDA boys struggle with Christmas so much. One asked if we can please celebrate Hanukah instead just so the stress of Christmas day could be avoided! We all agreed we would instead do small gifts for eight days, and just stockings on Christmas morning. It also allowed us to talk openly about demands and expectations of the holidays, which was a huge gift in itself. Thank you for this post!
My daughter hates the presents thing. She goes along with it though. That being said she gets that overwhelmed it becomes an underwhelming experience for the ‘gift givers’. Then there’s when she drops the ‘truth bomb’- if she didn’t ask for it or doesn’t like it she makes it clear 😅 She likes get it done and move on without a big fuss which is what we do. Then she can spend a couple of days preceding it all at her own pace in her room.
Sounds like me! Can't cope with the uncertainly and expectation or demand of having to like the gift 😂 something to keep in mind for the kids .. who are actually much better practiced at this!
I was lucky enough to have the first grandchild on my side, and my parents live nearby. There was definitely an upside in the free babysitting, but we had to set a boundary on gifts. They went so overboard that we felt like we didn’t get to enjoy buying him something special. He would open gifts, no matter how many, but many times he didn’t want to open the packaging and play with the new toy. What seemed to work for him (he is autistic, btw), was having an adult show interest in one toy - especially something that needed to be built or set up by an adult (trains, marble run, etc). He would “help” put it together, and the adult could play with him and demonstrate what it was all about. We were happy to leave the rest in the packaging until he asked to get it out, or to suggest opening another toy when we were stuck inside on a rainy day. As my kids (I ended up with two wonderful autistic boys) got older, we went with the one toy/requested item, one book, one item of clothing method. We put new school supplies in the stockings. This worked great along with the grandparents giving less.
I’ve been buying second hand gifts for my children since they were tiny (my eldest is four now, so this has only been tested for a few years), but I think it works really well to take the pressure off. I feel less pressure because I’ve spent way less money. And my child is used to hearing that another child enjoyed them first - I think it feels lower pressure to him too. And some of the presents just seem genuinely better to me - he doesn’t have to fake excitement about a tiny box of expensive Playmobil, because I managed to get a big box with way more in it and they all tumble out at once because no packaging any more! Fingers crossed for Christmas Day, but if he feels the pressure anyway, I’ll remember your ideas here ☺️
Yes! This is exactly right. One of my children prefers to know their gifts before the day. We look up pictures together. It means Christmas Day has no surprises. 🙂
This was a huge relief to read. My twin ASD/ADHD/PDA boys struggle with Christmas so much. One asked if we can please celebrate Hanukah instead just so the stress of Christmas day could be avoided! We all agreed we would instead do small gifts for eight days, and just stockings on Christmas morning. It also allowed us to talk openly about demands and expectations of the holidays, which was a huge gift in itself. Thank you for this post!
My daughter hates the presents thing. She goes along with it though. That being said she gets that overwhelmed it becomes an underwhelming experience for the ‘gift givers’. Then there’s when she drops the ‘truth bomb’- if she didn’t ask for it or doesn’t like it she makes it clear 😅 She likes get it done and move on without a big fuss which is what we do. Then she can spend a couple of days preceding it all at her own pace in her room.
This is really important information, thanks, Dr. Fisher!
Designating a parent/carer as the official present opener and opening them throughout the day seems like a really sensible idea!
This is a very helpful explanation.
Sounds like me! Can't cope with the uncertainly and expectation or demand of having to like the gift 😂 something to keep in mind for the kids .. who are actually much better practiced at this!
I was lucky enough to have the first grandchild on my side, and my parents live nearby. There was definitely an upside in the free babysitting, but we had to set a boundary on gifts. They went so overboard that we felt like we didn’t get to enjoy buying him something special. He would open gifts, no matter how many, but many times he didn’t want to open the packaging and play with the new toy. What seemed to work for him (he is autistic, btw), was having an adult show interest in one toy - especially something that needed to be built or set up by an adult (trains, marble run, etc). He would “help” put it together, and the adult could play with him and demonstrate what it was all about. We were happy to leave the rest in the packaging until he asked to get it out, or to suggest opening another toy when we were stuck inside on a rainy day. As my kids (I ended up with two wonderful autistic boys) got older, we went with the one toy/requested item, one book, one item of clothing method. We put new school supplies in the stockings. This worked great along with the grandparents giving less.