Thank you for this! I put my son in school last year, a small ‘Walless’ school, he screamed and cried for months but everyone told me it was the right thing to do. He finally got used to it but developed some other big issues. When we pulled him out to change him to a new school after 2 weeks of not being able to leave him he just flat out refused so now we are homeschooling and it’s like I’ve got my precious child back. I’ll never not listen to my intuition again.
I think the biggest issue is consent. I know I wouldn’t take well to someone else putting me through an exposure therapy routine that I didn’t understand or wasn’t on board with, even if it was for an issue where exposure therapy was objectively the best option. Especially if the person putting me through it had the level of power over me that a parent has over their child.
My son has a dog phobia. He hasn’t really overcome it… but he has learnt to like individual dogs when their owners ( friends) have been willing to flex hugely to help him get to know their dog. I think that’s not the same thing as overcoming the general fear of dogs which stems from an unmanaged dog trying to jump on him when he was only two.
He also school refused. He has over come this by moving to specialist provision where again the set up is so different to mainstream that he can engage.
In both situations the issue has moved along not by expecting change of my son but by meeting his needs. His attendance at mainstream school was not ‘overcome’ … if you like a different pathway was discovered. To add to this further unfortunately despite alot of effort from his dedicated mainstream school they couldn’t meet his needs … there is in my view just not enough flexibility or resource afforded to staff in the mainstream tramlines.
One of the most helpful phrases I had as a parent was from a forest school worker who said ‘our kids can’t change’. Meaning… we can. As adults we can flex to meet these children who are telling us loud and clear they are suffering.
My son is growing into being able to enjoy some animals and to gain an education. So there is a positive outcome in both areas that others may regard as ‘problems’. But on reflection I don’t expect him to love all animals (or trust all their owners) nor do I expect him to ever return to mainstream if he can’t, but I hope he’ll embrace learning and growth.
I have to irrelevantly put a question mark on "even a sausage dog", though. I won't go as far as to say "They're the worst," but my ankles get very nervous when a dog of that height starts yapping at them ;-)
Thank you for this! I put my son in school last year, a small ‘Walless’ school, he screamed and cried for months but everyone told me it was the right thing to do. He finally got used to it but developed some other big issues. When we pulled him out to change him to a new school after 2 weeks of not being able to leave him he just flat out refused so now we are homeschooling and it’s like I’ve got my precious child back. I’ll never not listen to my intuition again.
I think the biggest issue is consent. I know I wouldn’t take well to someone else putting me through an exposure therapy routine that I didn’t understand or wasn’t on board with, even if it was for an issue where exposure therapy was objectively the best option. Especially if the person putting me through it had the level of power over me that a parent has over their child.
The article seemed to end abruptly. I was hoping for more ideas. I greatly appreciate your writing!!
I agree
Very interesting.
My son has a dog phobia. He hasn’t really overcome it… but he has learnt to like individual dogs when their owners ( friends) have been willing to flex hugely to help him get to know their dog. I think that’s not the same thing as overcoming the general fear of dogs which stems from an unmanaged dog trying to jump on him when he was only two.
He also school refused. He has over come this by moving to specialist provision where again the set up is so different to mainstream that he can engage.
In both situations the issue has moved along not by expecting change of my son but by meeting his needs. His attendance at mainstream school was not ‘overcome’ … if you like a different pathway was discovered. To add to this further unfortunately despite alot of effort from his dedicated mainstream school they couldn’t meet his needs … there is in my view just not enough flexibility or resource afforded to staff in the mainstream tramlines.
One of the most helpful phrases I had as a parent was from a forest school worker who said ‘our kids can’t change’. Meaning… we can. As adults we can flex to meet these children who are telling us loud and clear they are suffering.
My son is growing into being able to enjoy some animals and to gain an education. So there is a positive outcome in both areas that others may regard as ‘problems’. But on reflection I don’t expect him to love all animals (or trust all their owners) nor do I expect him to ever return to mainstream if he can’t, but I hope he’ll embrace learning and growth.
Thanks Naomi, and a good point made.
I have to irrelevantly put a question mark on "even a sausage dog", though. I won't go as far as to say "They're the worst," but my ankles get very nervous when a dog of that height starts yapping at them ;-)