PDA profile child or adult perceive certificate, sticker chart etc.. as a demand. Do this get that is to their nervous system a demand. And so with demand avoidant behaviour once the brain recognises this. It feels like a loss of autonomy. So the nervous system goes into fight/flight/freeze. Can physically feel like your facing a tiger who's snarling and chasing you. For them a drive for autonomy is key. So they see staff/adults as authority = above them. And this to is a threat to the nervous system. And whilst all this is going on they've left the thinking part of the brain.
They need to feel equal to or above others in order to balance the nervous system and achieve. But dependant on the spectrum wheel, each send child have different levels of struggles. Some with PDA added in and when staff say "Jacob was fine in school." They are judging only the part of the iceberg above the ocean. Below the ocean isn't seen. They see able to do school work and no visual response to lack of school support the masking phase. Below the iceberg flips over as they leave school premises and suddenly the struggles they've endured all day explode. This being anxiety, sensory overwhelm, smells, labels on clothes, lack of support the school require you wear to please the system. And much much more. Because all the staff see is the outer shell wearing a mask while inside the stress bucket is filling at a faster rate than a neurotypical student.
I subscribe to the point of view that praise can be coercive and controlling, especially in the adult/child relationship. It can be addictive to the child who craves it, at which point it becomes a red herring at best, detracting attention away from the very thing it's attempting to enhance, or toxic and damaging at worst, by corrupting the child's relationship with their own learning, with themselves, and with their adult.
And yet praise feels so good! Doesn't everyone enjoying basking in its warm glow? Can it really be all bad? Is it ever OK to heap loving praise on my 7 year old? And if so, when and how? How do I give it in a way that says, "This praise is my unconditional love"? Perhaps that's a contradiction. So what's the alternative? Because I'm not sure I'm ready to take away all of my praise just yet...
PDA profile child or adult perceive certificate, sticker chart etc.. as a demand. Do this get that is to their nervous system a demand. And so with demand avoidant behaviour once the brain recognises this. It feels like a loss of autonomy. So the nervous system goes into fight/flight/freeze. Can physically feel like your facing a tiger who's snarling and chasing you. For them a drive for autonomy is key. So they see staff/adults as authority = above them. And this to is a threat to the nervous system. And whilst all this is going on they've left the thinking part of the brain.
They need to feel equal to or above others in order to balance the nervous system and achieve. But dependant on the spectrum wheel, each send child have different levels of struggles. Some with PDA added in and when staff say "Jacob was fine in school." They are judging only the part of the iceberg above the ocean. Below the ocean isn't seen. They see able to do school work and no visual response to lack of school support the masking phase. Below the iceberg flips over as they leave school premises and suddenly the struggles they've endured all day explode. This being anxiety, sensory overwhelm, smells, labels on clothes, lack of support the school require you wear to please the system. And much much more. Because all the staff see is the outer shell wearing a mask while inside the stress bucket is filling at a faster rate than a neurotypical student.
Exactly describing my PDA 9 yo!
I subscribe to the point of view that praise can be coercive and controlling, especially in the adult/child relationship. It can be addictive to the child who craves it, at which point it becomes a red herring at best, detracting attention away from the very thing it's attempting to enhance, or toxic and damaging at worst, by corrupting the child's relationship with their own learning, with themselves, and with their adult.
And yet praise feels so good! Doesn't everyone enjoying basking in its warm glow? Can it really be all bad? Is it ever OK to heap loving praise on my 7 year old? And if so, when and how? How do I give it in a way that says, "This praise is my unconditional love"? Perhaps that's a contradiction. So what's the alternative? Because I'm not sure I'm ready to take away all of my praise just yet...